NANO ZEN » Humour

Are you technically competant?

Anthony Howe — Tue, 25 May 2010 09:31:14 +0000

I thought those HolyTaco flowcharts where such a hoot that I had to have a go at one of my own. Here’s a flow chart to determine if you might be a geek.

Getting lucking on a date.

Anthony Howe — Fri, 14 May 2010 07:47:23 +0000

Reprinted from HolyTaco without permission.

How to pick a religion.

Anthony Howe — Mon, 10 May 2010 08:45:34 +0000

Reprinted from HolyTaco without permission.

Once More For Tatty

Anthony Howe — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 14:17:43 +0000

Define Hot…

Anthony Howe — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 11:11:44 +0000

I love spicy food and use Dorset Naga Peppers (world’s hotest) in my cooking sometimes. I often remember that Simpson’s episode where they have the annual Springfield Chilli Cook-Off and Homer eats super-spicy chilli made by Chief Wiggum using a dangerous Guatemalan Insanity Pepper grown by mental patients.

Today thinking about lunch, I started to wonder what fictitious hot pepper and/or preparation method I could come up with for my own variety of pepper. Here’s one idea:

Start with peppers grown on the South Seas island of Bora Gora hand pick by 72 native virgin females, then dried on the thighs of Californian porn stars, while under the influence of Ecstasy, and vacuum packed (sans porn stars).

In preparation for cooking, the peppers should be rehydrated by wearing them strung around the neck, while dancing to heavy techno or similar high energy music in a night club for at least three hours and under the influence of several vodka-red-bulls (to taste). Only then are they ready to be used in the chilli pot or other spicy cuisine.

I was wondering what I would call this particular pepper. My buddy Steve F. suggested fuckaneros, but it lacks in subtlety what it makes up for in simplicity. All I could come up with at the moment was Tropical Red Porn Pepper.

I wonder what other people might call my “hot pepper” or how they would define their own. Leave comments.

Vista’s Gapping Maw

Anthony Howe — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 08:41:43 +0000

CNet News reported how the Microsoft vomit ad was removed by them and their ad company. They probably realised the actress was actually reacting to Vista instead and the state of Microsoft products.

Flying

Anthony Howe — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 09:58:39 +0000

Early rise after an unsettled night’s sleep. Years ago, I used to run first and then walk Cotton upon my return as my cool down. But often that meant a cold start to the run, even after a 10 minute warm-up stretch. The mind sometimes resisted the effort to put one foot in front of the other, when it’s too dark, too cool, not fully awake, etc. Only a developed discipline of habit and routine could drive me at such times, and that can be difficult if you’re trying to form the habit in the first place.

Baka 9 weeks
2006-07-17

When Baka came into my life, part of the house training ritual when he was a puppy, was to take him out immediately after waking up to get him into the idea of urinating outside and avoid an accident. Puppies have a small bladder, are impatient, and want to pee immediately after waking, so you had to be dressed, lead on, and out the door like it were a fire drill.

That routine stuck even when I started morning runs after Baka’s walk, partly to keep the morning routine and also not to shock him with the idea that I was going to leave him alone for an hour with a full bladder. Was also part of getting Baka used to the idea of me being absent for periods of time and that I also found that the short walk before the run gets the blood flowing, stretch the legs, gets you used to the temperature, and lets the mind get into gear.

So today I was out for a short 6 Km run, trying to build my routine back to 10 and 15 Km runs. Trouble sleeping, stress, and some late nights have hampered my efforts to keep a regular running schedule. Today’s objective was a time better than 25m24s, but that wasn’t a firm goal, just getting out, running, work on alternating my stride and step, and not feeling too bad. As it turned out, I felt pretty good, and alternating stride and step kept me from falling into a monotone rhythm that can make a run a hard slog.

My pace and form were good coming to the last kilometre with a light down hill grade to help kick the final stretch. All until one of those tiny little flies that runners typically find stuck to the sweat of their arms, legs, and shirts managed to skirt the rim of my sun glasses and into my eye. It has to be one of the worst things that can happen to runners, after needing to go potty on a long run at the half way mark and twisting your ankle from a misstep.

Well. They don’t call it endurance running for nothing. I finished 24m57s.

In Bed

Anthony Howe — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 08:49:58 +0000

A Cuppa For Thor

Anthony Howe — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 15:10:22 +0000

What is it about hot drinks like tea, coffee, hot chocolate, and gluvine that settles the mind and body at the start or end of the day? Is it simply that it takes time to cool before we can drink; time were we can reflect on the tasks ahead or past; time to just sit and be.

I love thunderstorms. Though when I was a child staying at our chalet in Quebec in summer, we would often experience long violent storms without any power for several hours. It used to scare me when I was very young, but over time I found the sound and display of nature’s fireworks impressive. @ShawnaCoronado tweet though evoked a double entendre of Thor as a plumber complete with butt crack.

The Gazebo

Anthony Howe — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 09:32:48 +0000

@amykate is so sweet and really knows how to do a spread. But laying it all out can be a bit risky, especially come morning. But in the end, nothing like inviting the whole gang to join in.

Orwellian Swine

Anthony Howe — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 20:37:42 +0000

Ying Tong Iddle I Po

Anthony Howe — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 07:42:45 +0000

(lyrics)

Body Enterprise

Anthony Howe — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 09:20:28 +0000

What if your body were like the Starship Enterprise? Would it go something like this…

Captain’s log, stardate 090125.81, … Smelly Feet … have sent Enterprise … to the outer edge … of the solar system … in order to test … the newly enriched … Habenero₃Pizza fuel cell, … which is to eventually replace … the Habenero₁Pizza cell, … in the hopes of stronger … methane warp fields. First Orifice Sprocket and … Chief Intestine Montgomery Rott … are coordinating bowel movements.

Captain, the H₃P fuel has been delivered and successfully consumed. However, probability of compatibility with our systems is estimated at 3. 1415926535 8979323846 2643383279 5028841971 6939937510 5820974944 5923078164 0628620899 8628034825 3421170679 8214808651 3282306647 0938446095 5058223172 5359408128 4811174502 8410270193 8521105559 6446229489 5493038196 4428810975 6659334461 2847564823 3786783165 2712019091 4564856692 3460348610 4543266482 1339360726 0249141273 7245870066 0631558817 4881520920 9628292540 9171536436 7892590360 0113305305 4882046652 1384146951 9415116094 3305727036 5759591953 0921861173 8193261179 3105118548 0744623799 6274956735 1885752724 8912279381 8301194912 9833673362 4406566430 8602139494 6395224737 1907021798 6094370277 0539217176 2931767523 8467481846 7669405132 0005681271 4526356082 7785771342 7577896091 7363717872 1468440901 2249534301 4654958537 1050792279 6892589235 4201995611 2129021960 8640344181 5981362977 4771309960 5187072113 4999999837 2978049951 0597317328 1609631859 5024459455 3469083026 4252230825 3344685035 2619311881 7101000313 7838752886 5875332083 8142061717 7669147303 5982534904 2875546873 1159562863 8823537875 9375195778 1857780532 1712268066 1300192787 6611195909 2164201989. . . to 1 against.

Thank you First Orifice. Hmm. Only that much? You sure of your figures?

Yes Sir. I checked them against Lt. Randy’s original figures and there was no discrepancy between our two curves.

Very well, you may proceed.

> some time later <

Mr. Rott to Capt'n Dirk!

Yes ... ... Rotty?

The H₃P appears to be combusting! Internal temperature is up by 15% and climbing. I’ve adjusted the environmental controls to compensate. There appear to be some impurities in the H₃P mix.

Sprocket! … Analysis … quick.

> click, rumble, gurgle, wiz, more gurgle <

Captain. There appears to have been lower grade hot peppers in the base pizza fuel. The net affect when combined with the H₃ enrichment would be that of H₄. The methane warp field is destabilising.

Aye Capt’n! I’ve had to open the anti-matter full injectors to full and vent the methane plasma to space! No buddy light a match.

Captain! Look!

What is it … now … Mr. Silhouette?

Clingons around Uranus!

Red Alert! All hands, brace for hardware interrupt!